Musing of Two Authors
by Brass Mama
Summary: What happens when two sisters muse together in the same room on boring Saturday afternoon. Updated every time we finish one. Multiple chapters of random crossover fiction. Features Bones, Buffy, and Naruto characters & many more. Joint fic with Rayne Tam.
1. Pepperoni

Title: Musing of Xero Shane and Co.

Summary: Musings of Xero Shane and her friends play out as they chat during various activities. One Chap for each.

A/N: This is purely crack. Not to be taken seriously, ever. Xero is, obviously, me. Rayne Tam is my sister.

Warnings: Mild insanity, possible violence, likely swearing in some chapters, deranged crossovers,

Spoilers (will change for every chapter due to musings): Season 3 for Bones, season 4 episode title mentioned. None for Naruto. Season 4 at least for Buffy. General for Angel.

Pairings: none

XERO SHANE XERO SHANE XERO SHANE XERO SHANE XERO SHANE XERO SHANE XERO

"PEPPERONI!!" Xero screamed as Rayne walked into her room with a bag of pepperoni.

"Mine. None for you." Rayne pulled the bag away from Xero's clamoring hands.

Xero grabbed a can of Arizona and chucked it at Rayne's head.

"Dahhh! XP " Rayne fell to the floor.

"Uh, sis, you okay?"

*zombie groan*

"Can we get to the point now, Rayne?"

" Huh? Point? What point? I thought this fic was PWP." Scratches head in confusion.

Xero hangs head. "Yes, but we need to muse now. Okay?"

"Muse?"

"Come up with a story so that this story is post-able on ."

"O's."

"So, what should muse about?"

"Let's whump shikamaru!"

"Shika whump. Okay, but I'm not good at it."

"Right, how're we gonna whump Shikamaru?"

"Crossover with a big baddy."

"Okay, like who?"

"A crime show."

"Which one?"

"Gormagon!"

"Who?"

"Cannibal from season 3 of Bones."

"Cannibal!" *devious look* " Detective Nara."

"Actually, Gormagon doesn't work for whump."

"Why not, shikamaru could try to find him…

(Shifts to Washington, DC with Detective Shikamaru Nara assisting Agent Booth in finding Gormagon.)

"Dammit! This guy is a pain in the ass!" Booth felt like shooting the man who tried to kill him and Bones., with his own teeth! In a bomb! In the passenger seat sat Detective Nara, who was reviewing the case file in order to help the FBI find Gormagon before he ate someone else.

"Who will I be working with, forensics wise?" Nara asked.

"The squints at the Jeffersonian have already processed everything. The FBI mostly works with Dr. Brennan." Booth responded as he pulled the SUV into the parking lot; his knuckles were white from gripping the steering wheel.

As Booth parked the car, it lurched suddenly forward.

"What the…" Booth said.

Nara's hand latched onto the well worn 'Oh Shit!' handle as he was jerked forward. The engine began to spontaneously combust into flames.

"Damn!" Nara and Booth swore in unison as they jumped out of the sudden plot twist. Booth, who sudden had a fire extinguisher, began to try and put out the fire. It didn't want to go out. Shikmaru took a moment to figure how long this undying fire would take to blow up the engine. He decided it was time to beat.

"Time to run from exploding sardine can." Nara said, beginning to take long strides away the vehicle, and running as the FBI agent sped past him. _Crud, that guy sprints away from stuff a lot, huh. Nara caught up rather quickly for someone so lazy._

_Booth and Nara ducked behind another car, Cam's actually, as the SUV blew its top. Booth glanced at Rayne and Xero from where he and Shikamaru were ducking. _

"_What's with the attempted Booth/Shika whump? Hey, take that slash out! This isn't slash. I'm not gay! I'm in love with Bones!" Booth shouted over the flying shrapnel. _

"_Stop complaining. I didn't hurt anyone. Yet. And sides, I'm not done yet." Rayne said, almost hitting Booth with one of the flying metal shards. Booth ducked away, not wanting Xero to make it into a House crossover. _

"_What a drag." Shikamaru groaned, lying down to stare at the clouds. But there weren't there. "Where's the cloud's go?"_

"_It's night." Rayne said. _

"_It is?" Xero asked, shocked by this revelation._

"_Yep."_

"_Plot bunnies should come." Xero had her apocali (apocalypse plural) face on._

"_Plot bunnies ARE coming!" Rayne begins to laugh evilly._

"_What? Where?" Booth said panicked, not noticing the mysterious disappearance of the blown up car and the ceiling. _

_SUDDENLY… Angel appears in front of the two panicked characters. _

"_Paradox!! Brain melting!" Xero shouts, pointing at the vampire._

"_Shouldn't you worry about plot bunnies?" Rayne said as Xero suffered a mental break down._

"_Yeah… Where are they from anyways?"_

"_Eh… From where you least expect them, young padawan." Maniacally laughter ensues._

_Shikamaru looks down. _

"_WRONG! Plot bunnies are from hell you idiot." Xero shouts from her room in the luny bin. She breaks out quickly. Plot bunnies began fall from sky, as well as a few flying pigs._

"_Why flying pigs?" Rayne asks, helping take off Xero's straight jacket._

"_Because I likes bacon?"_

"_Why not fly Tontons?"_

"_Sure." The flying pigs turn into flying Tontons. Booth and Shikamaru are being attacked by plot bunnies. _

"_Why isn't the big poof being attacked?" a suddenly appearing Spike asked. Xero begins to squeal._

"_Because he's their leader." Rayne says for Xero, who is now chasing Spike trying to hug him. _

"_Not bloody fair, why can't…" he vanishes from the plot. _

_Shikamaru shakes off the plot bunnies and the suit, revealing his ninja clothes, and makes a run for it. _

"_SHIKAMARU-KUN!!!" Rayne chases Shikamaru past a panting Xero._

"_Dang, that's why she so good at cross country running. She must imagine she's chasing Shikamaru. Oh, well. If that kind of endurance requires delusions of chasing fictional characters, I should chase… House!!!"_

"_Help!!" Booth says, beginning to die from the plot that was attacking him, Hero in the Hold Redux. _

_Angel has disappeared from plot suddenly, taking plot bunny army with him to scare Anya to death . _

"_Bye, Booth go make out with Bones or else who'll end up at Plainsboro Teaching Hospital." Xero says, leaving to find her sister. Booth runs toward a conveniently placed broom closet that Bones has been waiting in for the entire fic. _

"_This entire situation is irrational, but for some reason I more interested in you Seeley. I …"Bones is cut off as the door slams shut on its own to hide the very mature content of Xero's mind._

_Rayne suddenly appears, scaring Xero half to death, TWICE!!_

"_Where'd Shikamaru go?" Xero asked. _

"_He said he had an important mission. So, I said bye an let him go away."_

"_Now what?"_

"_Um.. IDK!" _

"_Good night, Rayne." Xero said in a cheesy British accent._

"_Gutentaug." Rayne said back._

"_That means hello and I don't think it's even spelt right!"_

"_Well then.. Boot to the Head!" A shoe hit Xero in the head, knocking her out as Rayne runs for the hills with the pepperoni._

_FIN for now._

_RAYNE TAM RAYNE TAM RAYNE TAM RAYNE TAM RAYNE TAM RAYNE TAM RAYNE_

_Please Review! Will be sequel!_


	2. Morphine

Title: Musing of a down author.

A/N: This is purely crack. Not to be taken seriously, ever. Xero is, obviously, me.

Warnings: Mild insanity, possible violence, likely swearing in some chapters, deranged crossovers,

Spoilers (will change for every chapter due to musings): SGA season 2 at least. CSI: Miami episode Slow Burn reference. Numb3rs character as well as a reference to a really lame reality show (I'm a celebrity: Get me out of here!). Angel, Bones, Naruto, Bleach, NCIS, The Lost World I think we got it all. Please tell me if I missed any.

Pairings: who knows, last time I lied and stuck BB into the fic. I don't think there'll be any.

I OWN NOTHING!! DON'T SUE ME!! I HAVE NO MONEY!!

Features some of New Divide from Transformers 2

XERO SHANE XERO SHANE XERO SHANE XERO SHANE XERO SHANE XERO SHANE XERO

Xero sat in front of her computer singing to herself as she mourned her loss.

"I remembered black skies

the lightning all around me I remembered each flash

as time began to blur Like a startling sign that fate had finally found me And your voice was all I heard That I get what I deserve""So give me reason

to prove me wrong

to wash this memory clean Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes Give me reason

to fill this hole

connect the space between Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies Across this new…"

She looked up at the Christmas lights strung across the ceiling and walls of her closet-turned-office.

"WHY?" She screamed at the top of her lungs.

Suddenly, Colonel John Sheppard was standing behind her.

"What do you mean 'why'?" he said trying to read the dimmed screen of Xero's laptop. She slams it shut, so he can't read Of Evil Clowns while she's talking.

"This is a piece of shit. I was typing Chapter 6 of Phantoms in the Shadows, just about to explain to Mac & Co. what the wraith were and the computer froze for a second and everything was gone. Poof! Pulled a Houdini! Elvis left the building! You don't understand how frustrating this is. I mean I was planning this whole rave scene, but I think I might cut it." John put his hand up to stop Xero's babbling.

"What about me? What happened to me after I got _stabbed_ in the arm?" He asked, calmly.

"Well, I can't tell you here. _**THEY'RE**_ listening." Xero says pointing at you, the reader.

"They can hear you? I thought you were typing?"

"They can read this. No spoilers, as much as I love them. Now, leave before I pull season 1 on your ass."

John rubbed his head, "Pull a season 1?"

POOF! Major John Sheppard glanced around. "Hey! You demoted me! Why?"

"Leave! It'll wear off in a day or so. And tell Horatio hello, your on CSI: Miami later, John, I mean, Mike Sheridan."

Peace and Quiet.

Peace and Quiet.

Peace and Quiet.

Peace and Quiet.

Peace and Quiet.

Peace and Quiet.

Peace and… CRASH!

Glass shattered in the bathroom. Xero screamed, an especially girly one, too.

"Edgerton! What I say about shooting out windows? It's not my fault Lou's stuck on _I'm a Celebrity: Get Me Out of Here!_"

Rayne walks through the wall and cheerily greets Xero with a HUGE smile. "Look! I'm like Shadow Cat!" She jumped in tiny circles like it was Christmas Morning, again. "O's yeah, how's de fic comin' along."

CRASH! BANG! CRASH!

"BOOTH! EDGERTON! I said… No… GUN WARS!!!!" Xero stormed into the bathroom. To her and Rayne's surprise, Booth was in the tub, wearing a beer hat, shooting his rifle at Edgerton, who was camped out in Sasuke's front yard.

Rayne squeed. "Where'd you get the beer hat?"

Booth was about to answer when Rayne saw Sasuke through his scope.

She squeed… again. "_Sasuke-kuuuuuun…… YOU JERK!!"_

_She turns to the FBI sniper in the room. "Booth, shoot his ass!!!"_

_BANG! He did._

_Sasuke screams his girliest scream…yet, as he grasps his apple shaped ass. _

"_He shot me in the ass." She, I mean he, yells in a poncy Brit accent. _

"_Sasuke! You've been sot in the Gluteus Maximus!" a certain Scottish doctor shouts as he and a Canadian scientist appear._

"_Gluteus Maxiimusss… Gluteus Maximussss… Gluteussss… Omigod! That's his ass isn't." says the scientist._

_Carson groaned. "The morphine wasn't for YOU, Rodney." _

"_Oh …well."_

_Gibbs appears and Gibbs slaps McKay. He turns and vanishes from the plot._

_Ian Malcolm strides up, humming to himself, and says, "Life is crystal." And sits down, almost being hit by a bullet that Booth shot at Edgerton._

_All the previous characters vanish from plot, due to the fact that Xero and Rayne become preoccupied rereading this fic for TEN minutes._

"_O's yeah, how de fic comin' along?" Rayne repeated._

"_Two guys, Pete and Repeat, are walking down a street. Pete disappears due to overpopulation, Whose left?" Xero asks Rayne, a mischievous grin growing on her face, like an evil cancer._

"_Re?" Rayne says cluelessly as she swing Kon around in circles._

"_Ugh…"_

_Rayne gasps in realization that the answer was…"Repeat!"_

_Xero's grin is becoming more original Joker by the minute._

"_Two guys, Pete and Repeat, are walking down a street. Pete disappears due to overpopulation, Whose left?" Xero asks Rayne._

"_You just asked me that: Re-"_

_Random dude comes STREAKING across the page, yelling, "I know NOTHING." Sudden switching to "I feel pretty, oh so pret-" Xero smashes said streaker through wall into Angel Investigations' office, while Rayne ducks and cowers with Kon in horrror._

"_This…Fic…Is…DONE!"_

_The Time Warp dancers come on stage, ruining Xero's dramatic ending attempt._

"_You ne'er told meh how your fic was comin'?" Rayne whines as the Time Warp dancers go poof with Kon._

_FIN…_

"_Awwwwww….. I wanna do it again." Rayne shuffled back through the wall._

_RAYNE TAM RAYNE TAM RAYNE TAM RAYNE TAM RAYNE TAM RAYNE TAM RAYNE TAM_

_A/N: Review and there shall be a third encounter._


	3. Avalanche

Title: Musing of Xero Shane and Co.

Summary: Musings of Xero Shane and her friends play out as they chat during various activities. One Chap for each.

A/N: This is purely crack. Not to be taken seriously, ever. Xero is, obviously, me. Rayne Tam is my sister. Also, Rayne actually got hit in the face with a banana, SERIOUSLY!!! It's a long story, that won't be told here. Look on her profile.

Warnings: Mild insanity, possible violence, likely swearing in some chapters, deranged crossovers,

Spoilers (will change for every chapter due to musings): Doctor Who, TWT.

Pairings:

XERO SHANE XERO SHANE XERO SHANE XERO SHANE XERO SHANE XERO SHANE XERO

*cough*

AND NOW, in the tale of Xero and Rayne…

*cough*

Rayne was sitting on the luxurious swing when a banana suddenly flew out of nowhere and hit Rayne below the eye (scarily and funnily enough, this actually happened).

"OOOOOWWW! WTF?" Rayne shouted.

20 seconds earlier…

"Rose, Banana's are good for parties." the Doctor smiles.

"Okay?" Rose looked at the Doctor for the madman…err… time lord, he was.

"Here, catch!" the Doctor chucked a banana at Rose.

Xero leapt from nowhere to intercept said banana, imitating Brad Pitt (who reminds Rayne of a football player, apparently) and …

…MISSES, just barely, knocking it off course toward the unknown horizon.

Rose stared at the scene in shock and awe.

"Well, that was brilliant." Rose said sarcastically.

In the distance, about six seconds later, a loud and long 'OOOOWWW!' broke the awkward silence.

"Uh Oh!" the Doctor said.

He and Rose headed for the inconspicuous blue police box that had appeared from thin air. He snapped his fingers to open the TARDIS doors.

Rayne started shouting, "You can't do that! You couldn't do that until you were with Donna!"

"Shhh…." the Doctor hushed Rayne.

"Whose Donna?" Rose asks, looking really confused.

"Don't worry about it, you'll meet her later."

The pair darted into the TARDIS and then it faded from this plot.

"XEEEEEEERRRRROOOOOOO!!! You through that banana at me didn't you!! Now I have a 'fatal' injury to the eye!" Rayne chucked the bloody banana at Xero.

"I'm sorry, Detective Tam." CSI Shane said, holding out a box of donuts to the disgruntled law woman as the background turned into a New York Crime Scene.

"(WTF!) YUM!!!" Detective Tam said snagging a donut. She gobbled it up and went to lick the jam filling off her fingers.

"Wait…That wasn't a jelly donut?" Detective Tam said shaking her head.

Xero looked back at the bloody crime scene behind them. Two fanfiction writers, one a SasuNaru fan, the other a NaruSasu fan had got in an argument over whether or not Sasuke was Uke or Seme. They'd started summoning Pok'emon and Groudon had been the end of them both. "Eww…"

Detective D-nut was questioning Kyogre who denied killing Groudon even though the place was filled with puddles. And of course, like always, Detective Tam was attempting to adopt a nearby Pikachu. It had gone as far as bribery via donuts. _Crunch! _Pikachu glanced down.

"Pika?" Pikachu saw a squashed cockroach. One of the CSIs looked up.

"No! You killed Kenny!" he yelled.

Suddenly, he had a sword and was dueling with Pikachu.

"My name is Gil Grissom. You killed my favorite cockroach. Prepare to die!!!" Grissom lunged at Pikachu. There was clash of lighting and forensics everywhere! Rayne and Xero ducked, and made a dash for their white Chevy Avalanche, yelling "Avalanche!!"

As Detective Tam lead footed it out of the alleyway, drove onto a Welsh street, qickly switching sides of the road. Xero screamed out the window "Wooooo! We're in Cardiff. I told we'd go to Cardiff first."

"Shut up." Rayne said, no longer wearing a badge, and somehow having changed into a Union Jack t-shirt.

The y rounded a corner, head toward Millenium Centre, and heard a loud _THUMP against their truck's hood. _

_Suzie Costella looked up at Rayne. "Yes! He's dead, finally."_

"_No, I'm not." Captain Jack Harkness said as he pulled his Webley revolver out and shot Suzie. BANG!_

_Ianto looked up at Rayne and Xero and said, offhandedly, "They Keep Killing Suzie."_

_The Doctor reappeared suddenly into the plot and announced to all present parties, "I'm looking for a blonde in a Union Jack."_

_Rayne jumps out of the Avalanche and into the TARDIS with The Doctor. Jacks sees the TARDIS fading and runs at it yelling "DOCTOR!!!!!!!" and doing the superman leap for the blue police box. _

_Xero stares at what happened. "Ditcher!!!" she shouted as Jack lands on his face, microseconds too late to latch on to the TARDIS. Ianto came up behind him as he stood and punched him the face, "You tried to run out on us. AGAIN!" _

_Xero felt a light bulb go off in her head. "Hey! Can I join you for your great fantastic Janto make up 'session?'" Xero put on an evil smile._

"_Always room for one more."_

_RAYNE TAM RAYNE TAM RAYNE TAM RAYNE TAM RAYNE TAM RAYNE TAM RAYNE TAM _

_A/N: Sorry for lack of uploading. For any reads of Phantoms in the Shadows, I'll be updating soon, almost done with next chapter._

_Also, go read Rayne and mine joint fic on her account Listen n Learn, a xover between the Listener and CSI NY. _

_Any who, back to school and hating it, only because of the early wale up and my sore back from playing sousaphone._

_If you have an idea for the next chapter's theme, just PM me and I'll discuss the idea with Rayne and we'll give you a fantastic prize! Credit at the top of the page and on my profile with the story summary! _

_Torchwood! Yeah!._


	4. IDK IDC IDI

The TARDIS materialized in front of Jack as he, Ianto and Wyn (the author formerly known as Xero Shane) exited Ianto's loft.

"Doctor" Jack acknowledged the Time Lord.

"Jack," he stretched his name out to three syllables, "Why were you threatening to kill someone and playing eco-terrorist and being a desperate housewife?"

"Uh, I wasn't doing any of those things…"

"What? I saw you on Wisteria Lane and you killed someone WITH. A. SCARF!"

"That wasn't me, it was my evil twin!" Jack defended as Wyn and Ianto slunk off for some coffee and to meet up with Rayne.

"It was you, because all evil twins must have facial hair!" the Doctor was getting his Oncoming Storm face on.

"Wait! Wait! He had long hair! Doesn't that count!" Jack yelled as the storm clouds began to gather overhead.

The Doctor paused a moment, considering, and then said, "Yeah, I guess it does." And the clouds vanished into unicorns and rainbows.

Rayne come flying out of a plot hole, glomping the Doctor backward into the TARDIS, which promptly vanished. Wyn and Ianto came running after Rayne, shouting for her to wait for them.

"Ditcher!" Wyn yelled, kneeling where the TARDIS had been, looking toward the sky. "Now what am supposed to do? What Am I Supposed To Do?"

Rayne poofed next Wyn, putting a hand on her sister's shoulder. "IDK! Where was this fic supposed to be going?"

"You said something about Cas and Supernatural." Wyn stood up.

"OMG! Castiel come for me!" Rayne began dancing in circles.

POOF! Castiel appeared. Wyn stared in shock. "Cas, are you God?"

Before the new archangel could answer, he was glomped by Rayne. "Castiel! Yays!"

"Rayne, we need you." Cas talked like he wasn't being strangled by a fangirl.

"Oh, what for?"

"Someone's killing angels. You have the necessary skills to get the answers out of Alistair."

"OMG! I couldn't hurt a fly! Well, maybe a fly, but I'm not a torturer!" Rayne frowned.

"If it helps, I would give anything for you to not have to do this." Cas said as he handed over a video labeled Charlie.

"Oh Noes!" she clapped her hands together, "Okay, I'll do it!"

"Rayne NO! Don't do it! Make Dean do it."

"But why? I hearts Cas." Rayne whines.

"Why would you torture…"

"Oh, torture, uh? You wanna help?" Rayne asked Ibiki Moreno, who ninja-ed into the plot.

He grunted in response, walking through the suddenly appearing door. There was lots of screaming.

"So…" Wyn started then paused as another round of screams could be heard. "What do angels do for fun?"

Cas stares blankly for a few moments before vanishing. Rayne raged. "Wyn you scared him away?"

"I just asked a question!"

"Yeah, the worst question ever!"

"At least I didn't ask boxers or briefs."

"That would have been a much better question."

"Oh, bite me."

"Don't tempt me!"

"You wouldn't"

"I would"

"You don't like that!"

"But you do!"

"Save it for the cosplay!"

"I hate waiting"

"Patience is virture."

"So is passion"

"Lust is a sin."

"Rules are meant to be broken."

Latius sweeps down and abducts Rayne.

"Rayne, NO!" Wyn yelled as the Pokemon vanished in the sunset. _Hm, I thought it was morning?_

Laughter echoed from over the horizon. "Darn her, DITCHER! But now… I have control of the crack!"

Rayne poofed in through a plot portal. "You're doing crack?"

"No, POOF!" Rayne went poof.

John Sheppard and Mac Taylor walked up to Wyn. "Xero Shane?" Mac asked.

"Uh… Who's asking?"

"NYPD. Stargate Command. Miss Shane is wanted for unlawfully leaving characters in a state of peril in the story PHANTOM IN THE SHADOWS." Sheppard explained.

"Oh… Sorry, but the plot bunnies kind of stole my muse, and it wasn't a very good story in the first place."

"Not according to your readers" Mac held up a stack of subscription notices. "People are still subscribing to it."

"I'm sorry, but… POOF! You're gone!"

Mac and Sheppard vanished into… something strange.

Suddenly something grabbed Wyn by the ankle, dragging down into the plot, up to her neck.

Rayne pops up and says, "Ha! Head hunter jutsu!"

"Darn you. You ditched me!"

"I was kidnapped! Anyway I'm in control of the crack _fiction_ now! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahahahahahahahah!

"Ooookay, are you done yet?"

Rayne leans forward. "Nevah"

And proceeds to push Wyn into the plotverse with her finger.

"Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa!

Ends!

But not before Wyn escapes. Now Rayne will have to see that picture of Lou Diamond Phillips with LONG HAIR! For eternity!

"NOOOOOooooooo! Not fair! I was getting payback!'

For what?

You stole the plot!

You left!

I was abducted.

You enjoyed it!

The argument continued into the next chapter.

If you like, please review. :) ~Wyn and Rayne.


End file.
